Two and a half years after my cardiac arrest, I have just returned from a trip I never dreamed would be possible. A whole month away in Canada, a week of which was entirely off-grid. No contact, no emergency services, no hospital, just me, my box (S-ICD), my best friend and a Toyota 4Runner with a roof tent.
As it turns out, that is all I need.
Testing myself with travel after cardiac arrest
I have always been a go-getter, an adventure lover, a last-minute kind of girl. This trip encompassed all of that, and something greater that I hadn’t quite anticipated. A huge test for myself, I hadn’t paid much thought to what I was about to do until I was there.
Could I really do this?
The psychological impact of surviving a cardiac arrest
Surviving a cardiac arrest at such a young age, at any age for that matter, has such a great impact on your psyche. An impact so immeasurable I don’t think it’s possible to truly grasp. Until you’re living those small moments, and realise a monumental fear you have just overcome, or a barrier your mind had set that you have surpassed.
That was what happened for me on this trip.
Off-grid, with no signal and no hospital
When I arrived at the deepest point of Wells Grey National Park in British Columbia, I looked at my phone and realised I had no signal. My body went cold, and the hairs on my skin stood up as it dawned on me that I hadn’t thought about it once.
I was overcome with pride and panic.
Rethinking my safe boundaries
Of course, I had realised how much my perspective of the world had changed since my SCA, but not quite realised the new perspective I had on myself, on my capabilities, on my new ‘safe’ boundaries. Feeling as though life outside those boundaries was no longer possible for me, that a life of caution and steady footing lay ahead.
Yet here I was, against all odds, in the absolute middle of bloody nowhere, and if anything happened, if I had a shock, that would surely be it for me. In that moment, something shifted. I was entirely at the mercy of my heart. Relying on a trust that was already on thin ice, barely even there, was all I could do.
And I was sure as hell doing it.
Suddenly, I wasn’t so fearful after all.
From a hospital bed to a month outdoors
I let go of those restraints I had carried like they were oxygen and I was on Mars. Nature carried me through it. That month I had spent in hospital, a mere two and a half years prior, was all I could think about. It drew such a stark comparison to that month I spent chained to a hospital bed, gazing out of my window, yearning to be outside, to touch some grass and feel the wind. And now here I was, spending a month doing just that, almost as though no time had passed at all, and that traumatising time was over. I had made it — well and truly out the other side.
I was celebrating the only way I know how, by just living, by being completely and honestly present. My anxieties faded like the evening sun as I was forced to reflect on how far I had come. It woke me up to how much has changed, how much I have progressed in this journey I never had a choice but to be on. From not being able to wash my own hair or dress myself, to cruising around British Columbia blasting 2000s indie rock classics with my university best friend.
Life after cardiac arrest, lived fully
What a beautiful life.
A life I so nearly wasn’t here for.
Grateful for every second, every experience that I get.
Surviving an SCA at aged 24 (2023) has changed my entire life, in the most bizarrely beautiful way. The one thing that has given me the most strength is support and understanding from other survivors, especially with an idiopathic diagnosis. Now 27, I still enjoy all the adventure and chaos life has to offer and have a whole new perspective on what lies ahead for me
Hi Lucinda
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m nearly 8 years down the line, and life has got in the way, as it does. I remember the fears and wants, of doing normal things and pushing yourself, within your “safe boundaries” that you instinctively create. Yet you have taken down some of those walls.
Me after all this time, and the things that I’m doing now, I made massive improvements, and yet it’s always there, parts of my brain, just will not let go.
In short “not knowing you!” I want to say how proud I am to read this.
Thank you
Hi Graham,
Thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to comment on my blog, it really means the world. I’m glad this resonated with you, I do believe it is such a unique experience us survivors have been through and being able to share my story with others like you just makes it so much easier.
8 years wow, I am proud of how far you have come and I hope you are too! I wonder if our brain will ever let go or if its some kind of survival mechanism that likes to remind us.
Always here to chat.
Thank you, so much love to you.
So glad you made your dreams come true with our little lady. Sending love to you Cinders ❤️
Thank you Rakel, love you lots and lots, and thank you for giving us your little lady! I couldn’t do this life without her! My absolute rock. <3
This is such a huge step for us survivors. When we step outside of our own comfort zone or what is considered the “norm”, not only are we challenging our own anxieties, we are often having to deal with the well-deserved concerns of our nearest and dearest, and also the medical teams that like us to play it safe following our SCA. For me, one of the biggest challenges I faced in my long-term recovering was holding back in my exercise, a really keen and active sportsman that defined many years of my life. Over time, your own confidence can grow and others start to accept that you need to “live” and not just survive. Hats off to you!
Thanks for your comment Dave, it means so much to me. You’re right there’s such a line to walk with regards to your own concerns and then others’ concerns on your behalf! I hope you have managed to find your balance with exercise and fall back in love with it! I love how you’ve put that, we absolutely do need to live and not just survive, we really deserve it. Thank you Dave, all the best to you.
What a great podcast episode and blog. Lucinda is an absolute inspiration and so articulate and thoughtful. I would think that she could be a very useful asset in helping to get Sudden Cardiac Arrest Uk more known out there .